Fangirling in your Forties

They say life begins at 40. That statement is really one of the most abused age references in the history of modern writing. But since we are on the subject, then let me say that my life began anew when I rediscovered fangirling... in my 40s.

I am proud to admit that I am an ahjumma. Why not? There are many advantages to being an older fan. First of all, modesty aside, ladies like us need not worry how to fund our KPop addiction. We are mostly career women who are financially independent and can chalk up the money we need to buy concert tickets, download songs, purchase albums and merchandise, sometimes even travel abroad in the relentless pursuit of our favorite idols without going on a hunger strike or nagging our parents. (After all, when you get to be our age, your parents are probably retired and don't care what you do with your life anyway, LOL!) Of course I am speaking from the point of view of an unmarried "auntie fan" who can devote her time and resources to fangirl concerns. I don't know how my fandom peers who have to juggle husband, kids, homes and jobs manage to balance their personal interests with their domestic and professional duties, but I truly admire them for it.

Second, I'd like to think that we have reached a level of maturity that allows us to no longer gets caught in the occasional drama. I've only been a fangirl for 16 months but I've witnessed quite a few emotional meltdowns on social media when fans get riled up over bitter competition and hate within and between rival fandoms and biases. On instances like this, I find myself attempting to mediate and broker peace whenever possible, or -- if the matter at hand is ridiculously trivial -- simply  keeping quiet and smiling to myself while recalling what it was like to be young and impetuous. The feeling seems so distant now but undoubtedly, it's a been-there-done-that moment every time it happens.

Third, and most importantly, being a fan keeps me young. The interaction with younger people, the energy of the music and personalities of the artists I follow, and the overall atmosphere of vibrancy and freshness that surrounds the KPop scene are all so invigorating. I always tell my family and friends that being a fangirl is my fountain of youth, and I've not heard anyone disagree so far.

My family and friends. Now that's another story altogether.

Being a fan is nothing new to me. Like most music lovers, I started following certain artists as a teenager. Looking back, I've always had an inclination towards girl bands with strong, innovative and independent images of being a woman -- I listened to Go-Go's when I was in middle school, followed by Bangles, Bananarama... then later the Spice Girls, Pussycat Dolls... They were all very different, yet somehow alike. I was also very much influenced by Debbie Harry, Pat Benatar and Annie Lennox (whose orange crew cut I wanted to copy except that I feared the nuns would kick me out of school).

Fast forward to an evening in September 2012, when I accidentally discovered 2NE1. It was late into a sleepless night and I was randomly browsing TV programs to kill time. At one point, I landed on an Asian cable channel airing re-runs of 2NE1 TV. On that particular episode, the girls sang "Ugly" a capella. I instantly recognized Sandara Park who was a big star in my country before she went home to Korea, so I got curious and stayed on to finish the program. I found the four girls so fascinating that after the show, I went online and searched for as many videos and as much information as I could find about them.

From that evening on, there was no turning back.

At first, I tried to keep my newfound interest under wraps for fear of being judged and ridiculed by the people around me. After all, Chaerin and Minzy were young enough to be my daughters. (And if I married really early, then maybe even Bom and Dara!) No one in my immediate family or closest friends was a fan of KPop at the time so I attempted to be discreet... but failed. I discovered that it was very difficult for me not to "spazz" (a word I had to explain to my colleagues) because of all the "feels" (yet another one). I couldn't help talking about "my girls", posting on Facebook and Twitter about them, playing their songs all the time at home, at work, in my car... and later, making quick trips to Singapore and Korea to watch their shows. (Last year, I actually flew to Singapore in the morning, watched the show that same night, then ran back to the airport to catch my flight home at 2AM! I could only spare a day because of work deadlines so I bit the bullet. Fortunately, the herculean effort was rewarded because -- I got to meet the girls at the airport on their way home to Seoul, just an hour ahead of my flight, and even got to take a picture with sweet Dara! Success! It was so worth it.)

Initially, my mom and sisters could not understand what's gotten over me. They wondered if I was depressed and needed professional help. (Haha! Kidding.) But shortly after being exposed to 2NE1, all my three sisters -- ahjummas like myself -- became avid fans as well! Today we have lots of fun holding "listening parties", watching music videos and concert DVDs together, and sharing the experience with their own daughters! Because of 2NE1, we are now the family that "crays" together and stays together! In fact, on my birthday last year, I decided to throw a 2NE1-themed family lunch at a Korean restaurant, complete with music videos looped on a widescreen, posters on the wall, fuschia and black balloons and -- a special "Falling in Love" inspired birthday cake! Every single one of us, including our very hip and happy Mom, enjoyed the experience. We are now bound by blood and by being Blackjacks. :-)

Celebrating my 4_th birthday with a 2NE1-themed party!

             

It's a little different with my friends though. Not everybody warmed up to the idea of my swooning over four Korean pop idols young enough to by my nieces or daughters. Some of them thought I had completely lost all sense of reality. Others just went along and overtly tolerated my newfound interest, although I never really bothered to find out if any of them unfollowed me on Facebook or Twitter to be spared of my spazzing updates. A few really good ones were just happy for me, even if they themselves are neither convinced nor converted. When asked, I'd always say "KPop is better than therapy" and I think deep inside, most of them would agree. Especially in the kind of work that we do being media professionals, the feelings of stress and isolation can run very high and we all need to find a way to chill and decompress. Some find it in smoking or drinking, others in going to the gym or attending Zumba classes, still others take up running or badminton... and I listen to 2NE1. It's that simple. So don't kill my vibe, yeah?

TBVH, I am not all that concerned about losing friends because of fangirling. In fact, the effect had been quite the opposite -- I discovered new friends, many of whom are also "mature" fans who have been around the fandoms longer than I have! One is an online business editor, another a lawyer, still others a television reporter, an airport employee, a designer, an entrepreneur... Then of course there are the teenage students and twenty-something upwardly mobile professionals who have likewise become part of my circle of trust. We started out just drawn together by our common interest in KPop and 2NE1, then eventually shared our way into more meaningful friendships that bridge cultures, link countries, dissolve timezones... and banish generation gaps. I have always been quite honest about my, ehem, age... And that honesty has been rewarded by openness, acceptance and trust. It's all good and I am grateful.

These days, I've been busy blocking off my work schedules and fixing my deadlines with clients to accommodate my "All or Nothing World Tour" concert-hopping for the Southeast Asian stops. My sisters have agreed to watch my cats while I'm away. My friends continue to tease me about what they call as my "excesses" but I know that deep inside, they wish they were as cheerful , inspired and motivated as I am right now. And I wish they all were, too, because joy is always best shared.

The key to a life filled with favorable surprises is this: There are no rules. Only opportunities and pathways to discovering that which  makes your heart sing...

Find your bliss. Then follow it. You are never too old to chase butterflies.

We are solely responsible for our own happiness.

Only in understanding this - and living it out -- can we be truly free.