"Missing You"

I created this blog for the simple reason that my friends asked me to. Since July, I had the good fortune of belonging to a small but tight group of 2NE1 fans from all over the world who get together several days a week to "spazz" over our OT4 -- Bom, Dara, CL and Minzy, known collectively as the global KPop superstars, 2NE1. 

I write for a living. And in between, I live to write. Lately, I found a new and exciting platform for my random thoughts by sharing them to my friends on the chat group. It is quite gratifying to get immediate feedback from real people in real time. But there are some cases where they would ask me to post my thoughts for a larger audience and this always poses a problem because only so much can be said in 140 characters on Twitter. Today, I wrote for them my reflections on the girls' latest music video which accompanies their new single, "Missing You" -- which hit an all-kill within four hours of its release midnight of November 21. As I pounded on the keyboard, crafting every word inspired by their breathtaking production, the clamor to publish grew more and more pronounced. 

So here it is -- this blog is for you, my dear swappers :-) And for those you care to share it to. Bear in mind, though, that I will try to keep my posts spontaneous and unedited, so as not to stifle the flow of expression. Besides, I already do so much editing in my real life work, so let me commit mistakes here every now and then to make me feel more human! LOL!

Beginning today, I will try my best to fill this space with loving thoughts and impressions -- all inspired by the girls we love the most, 2NE1.

"Missing You" and the women on the edge of winter

I've been watching the video endlessly since last night and I am just amazed that despite their wacky and dorky offstage behavior, these girls are excellent actors! The range of sadness they display on the video are so intense and individual.

With Minzy I see a lost and confused young woman trying to comprehend her situation, asking herself "was it me? wasn't i enough?"...

Dara is the woman who cannot accept her rejection. There is a coldness in her pain, as though she wants to seek revenge if only in her mind… A woman coping with loss but still in the stage of denial...

Chaerin is the most painful to watch. Her rawness is exquisitely etched in every tattoo on her skin, on every curve of her body, in the glassy emptiness lingering in her eyes… She is the woman who feels she has lost everything, including her reason to live. The nude scene is really symbolic of losing everything with the loss of love… it makes my heart ache to watch her -- her face is almost devoid of emotion because there is nothing more to give… A woman who has cried all her tears and all that is left is emptiness.

Bom is pure melancholy. A mature woman who has known the joys and pains of love… and who would rather remember the good times than the bad. Her sadness is only in her eyes and in the slight quivering of her lips. This woman has been hurt before and knows that beyond the darkness is a glimmer of light and that she will survive this… and move on.

I feel that their acting is also very transparent and indicative of their own unique, real life personalities.

Minzy, because of her age and inexperience, radiates that innocence of first love, especially in the "mirror" scene where she looks at herself as though she was searching for a clue as to what went wrong and why her lover chose to leave her. Her eyes reveal innocence and pureness… Her pain is so gentle and quiet, like a wintry breeze that makes her shiver but will eventually pass… A rude awakening to the realities of life but not enough to break her or make her jaded. Only to teach her a valuable truth. The truth that makes her grow up and mature. She will love again but enter it more wisely.

Dara is true to her Scorpio personality -- hurt her and she will sting you. It's not just about the lyrics or her styling. It is her innermost personality. We all know that Dara is survivor. She has been through many ups and downs in life and experienced harsh realities, including abandonment, early in life. But just when everyone thinks she has been left for dead, she rises like the Phoenix (incidentally the highest symbol of her astrological sign) and surpasses every expectation. Her character in this video runs parallel to that quality. In that particular close-up after the image of the burning feather, her eyes glimmered with something so cunning and cold. Steely and determined even in her sadness. This is a woman who will not wallow in pain. She will mourn her loss but the moment she wipes the tears from her eyes, beware… She will get even. Maybe not by seeking revenge directly at those who hurt her but by putting her entire being and energy into proving them wrong… Leave her and she will make you regret you ever walked away... because she will make sure that she will shine brighter than ever before. She will bend, maybe even break -- but she will never, ever shatter. She will rise again.

Chaerin is pure anguish… I've never seen agony like this in a music video before. Her acting is of a film-like quality. I don't know what kind of memories she pulled in to create that deep and profound pain in her eyes. For someone who had a happy childhood and a very successful professional life as a young adult, she is able to conjure pain and separation in such a convincing manner. The sense of loss is dumbfounding. I feel that she used her experience of being away from her family, of living alone, of feeling the isolation caused by fame to arrive at this excellent portrayal. The rawness of her projection is breathtaking. She also used this video to bare herself to her fans -- where the physical baring is not the end in view, but the context by which it was made. She did not undress, she REVEALED. The difference there is that undressing can be random and automatic, while revealing shows purpose and intent to send a message, to communicate. CL took off her clothes so she can reveal Chaerin to all of us… (now I am crying while I write this)… The visual and semiotic disparity between lying down fully clothed in a very expensive fur coat as opposed to the stark, cold bareness of the nude scene is just so poignant and intense… She is telling us: "Being CL is not easy. Being CL can be lonely too." So she sheds CL and shows us Chaerin -- the fragile girl inside who can experience sadness and isolation, who can feel very vulnerable, who only wants to be loved and accepted for who she is… Moreover tattooing her baptismal name "Faith" on her spine, for me, is very symbolic… It is our spine that holds up our body -- perhaps in the way that her faith in herself, in her family, in her 2NE1  members, in her fans, in her God, also holds her up when she feels the burden of leadership or in fleeting moments of sadness, even despair. She is brave and she is vulnerable. You know she can do it on her own, but she leaves you feeling like you want to protect her too. Anyone who looks at her baring with malice only reveals a lack of appreciation for refinement. Only the uncouth can think that of such an exquisitely and tastefully crafted imagery.

For her part, Bom has the maturity and wisdom of age and experience. Perhaps she has loved and lost before, maybe not just once. In real life, Bom hides her sensitivity behind that curtain of laughter and eccentricity. She chooses to be funny maybe because it makes her feel safe, so that she would not have to reveal too much of her emotions. But notice that when she drops her guard, Bom is also the most sensitive and loving of all the members. And they all listen to her. Dara comes to her for advice and same-age friendship. Chaerin is also very affectionate towards Bom and regards her highly. And Minzy -- she practically grew up under Bom's loving gaze and you can see her unnie's influence more and more as she blossoms into a young lady. The real life Bom is very protective of her dongsaengs and is also quick to intervene or correct them when necessary. She is open and direct, and she shares her thoughts with little hesitation. They listen to her when she is serious. And they laugh along with her when she is not. That sense of maturity is apparent in this video. Here is a woman transitioning through lost love. Melancholic but still able to smile, even for a while. She chooses to remember the happy days rather than wallow in her misery because she has seen the world and its imperfections and accepts it for what it is. She is the strongest of all the four women here. She is a pillar that they can lean on. Her sadness is very deep yet it is cathartic -- it hurts her, yet it heals her. Even through the overbearing loneliness in the end, she lifts up her eyes as though saying: "I will overcome this and I will love again."

The next time you watch the video, try to see it through this lens and tell me if it made the experience different this time around.

Cheers! 

@angelpilgrim

(NOTE: Photo credits to YG Entertainment. None of the images belong to me.)